Since my novel 'Dream on' was sent back from Poolbeg Editors I have found it difficult to blog. I felt like they didn't like my baby and that hurt. I am doing a rewrite but while I have all my ideas in place I find that I tend to find excuses and other things to do instead. I have been giving talks on 'Dropping The Habit' and Maria from the BBC have said that she wants to do a documentary on my family early in 2009..... so all is not as down beat as it might be.
There are matters which I have to deal with before I launch out again and these I will face today:
My brother Des's 51 year old partner David died suddenly on 17th and my sister and I spent yesterday up in London with Des. We are all still very much in shock. What is 50 years? Why are we hear and where do we go once we have died? Inevitably these profoundly searching questions rear their heads when someone we know dies and we are left pondering on the worthwhileness of our short span of life.
Tomorrow we will remember our mother died on 24/12/05 aged 81. Life changed once my father died on 18/09/88 and then again when my mother died. I will be 65 in September; so how long have I got to live here?
Although these considerations may sound gloomy perhaps it will do me good to stop and take stock. It certainly makes me realise that each day I can choose to enjoy what ever it is that I do as much as possible because these particular set of circumstances will not come my way again.
I had for instance considered travelling up to London tomorrow to surprise and support my brother when he has a Mass celebrated for David RIP but what is motivating me? Is that because I have spent so many years in the convent I think that I will be able volunteer to do the reading etc....but my brother has his friends and he will do things his way. I don't have to mind him.
I will instead get on with the rewriting of my novel 'Dream on'
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